


1-800 Suicide

by lus_karma



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Cheating, Langst, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:47:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10980792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lus_karma/pseuds/lus_karma
Summary: Voltron AULance and Keith are college kids fresh out of high school. The two boys are happily dating and life couldn't be better... for Keith.Lance unfortunately is clinically depressed and is battling suicide every single day; yet he will never tell Keith. All Lance needs is a friend.A suicide hotline.





	1. 1

"Hi. It's Lance, again." Lance said quietly curled up on the windowsill watching the night with tears in his eyes. He's trying not to wake up his beautiful, boyfriend Keith with his call. He wouldn't want Keith's life to be turned upside down because of him.

"Lance!" The male voice through the phone sounded happy. "I'm so glad to hear from you! What's going on?"

Lance breathed in and looked out the window some more. "I feel like I'm dragging him down... like I'm keeping him from his happiness." Lance referred to his boyfriend. He never used anyone else's names when talking to the Suicide Hotline Boy™

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yeah... maybe I should get the same treatment. The ocean isn't too far form here. I just need a few bricks... you know what I mean? I can't do it by myself— drown I mean. If I weighed myself down, he'd be better off and everything would be better." Lance whispered.

He called the Hotline to be saved from his thoughts but once in a while he wanted someone to say "Go ahead. You're right. You'll feel better."

This was one of those times.

"Lance... I can promise you it will never be better. Not for you. Not for him. He'll miss you, you're his boyfriend. He loves you. You don't think he'd hurt as much as you do now?"

Lance turned his head to see Keith on his side sleeping soundly. His arm draped over nothingness, the spot Lance used to be. "He would..."

"And you don't want him to be hurting do you?"

"No..."

"Suicide is a permanent soultion to a temporary problem. And I know it's said a lot but that's only because it's true, Lance. Think about everything you love to see and do and then think about how you'll never experience those again..." He let out a short breath through the phone to which Lance began to wonder if he was annoying this poor man. But then he spoke again and Lance was eager to listen.

"Follow me, do as I say, alright?" The boy paused. "Take a deep breath in..."

Lance obeyed and drew in a shakey breath of air.

"Deep breath out."

Lance blew out a shakey breath. The Hotline Boy™ had him do this a few more times until Lance's breaths were no longer shakey. Lance thanked him and hung up. He set the phone down and got off of the window sill and tip toed back to the bed and got in next to Keith.

Keith stirred only for a moment to pull Lance closer to him. He smelled the Cuban boy's hair and smiled to himself.

"Keith?" Lance whispered.

"Hm?"

"Are you happy?"

"Mhm."

"Okay."

"...Are you happy?" Keith asked.

"Mhm." Lance replied. He soon drifted off to sleep in the arms of his loving boyfriend, knowing he lied again and that kept him up just a little longer.

The next morning, Lance went to get some coffee. Keith had left for class and Lance needed to wake himself so he could make better decisions today. He left the dorm room and drove outside of the campus to the Starbucks about 4 miles from the edge of campus.

Lance walked in and heard the buzz of people fill his ears and the smell of coffee beans invade his nose. One of his safe spaces.

He ordered some iced coffee with milk and whipped cream and waited for it over to the side. A minute passed and Lance got his hands on his drink and immediately began to sip it when his ears picked up on a familiar sound.

"Of course... I'll see you later... okay, Pidge bye."

Lance half expected his world to move in slow motion and angels to sing. Unfortunately that's not what happened.

He searched in the direction the voice came from and when he found it, he had to do a double take. What that the guy who talked to him every day? He had to be sure. He had to.

He couldn't thing of some suave or mysterious way to get his attention so he just asked. "Um excuse me...?"

"Hm?"

"What's your opinion on suicide?"

The man frowned but his eyes sparkled. "Well, though it may seem like a way of relief... the person who's willing to end their own life has affected someone else's. Someone is always going to miss them. They're not only hurting themselves. I'm not trying to say they're being selfish.... what I'm trying to say, Lance, is that it's only going to create more problems for someone else."

Lance stood astounded. It was him. He blinked once. Twice. Four times before sticking out his hand. The man shook it. "Shiro." He smiled.

Lance's fingers turned cold.


	2. 2

"H-hi?" Lance pulled his hand back. He was surprised. Was _this_ the man that talked to him about suicide? But he's so... handsome!

"H-how do you know my name?" Lance gulped.

"Oh it's on your cup." Shiro nodded towards Lance's iced coffee. Lance turned the cup around and sure enough it was there in big,  clear, black letters was his name.

"If you have any other questions you could sit down and we can talk about it. Pretty strange you'd come up and ask a stranger about stuff like that." The man popped a small quirky grin on his face and Lance's heart skipped a beat.

But were they strangers? Surely Shiro couldn't be that stupid. No. Just not possible.

Lance wouldn't bring it up if Shiro didn't.

Lance looked at the empty chair directly infront of Shiro. He looked back at the man for confirmation, and he nodded and smiled even wider. "Please," he took one of his hands out of his pocket to gesture to the chair. "Have a seat."

Lance slid in to the cool wooden chair and propped his elbows on the table to while he sipped his coffee through that iconic green straw. He really got a good look at the man before him.

He's got these incredible and wise black eyes, perfect (and I mean _perfect_ ) eyebrows that sit above them. His hair was something Lance was all too aware of: this large tuff of white hair sat at Shiro's hairline— infront of the area of black hair atop his head. Then he had an undercut.

Lances eyes moved downward toward Shiro's broad and seemingly inviting shoulders. There wasn't much to his outfit. Something everyone would probably wear here in the city. A grey 3/4 sleeve shirt with a black t-shirt on top, some jeans and sneakers. Pretty normal.

"So, Lance. What do you spend your day doing?" Shiro broke the silence with some small talk, something Lance was amazing at thank you very much.

"Oh! I'm a grad student at the university up the street. Trying to major in marine biology and minor in sociology." He beamed. "My boyfriend is trying to get me to do morning classes with him but we both know I need my beauty sleep or I can turn into a real monster." He chuckled.

Shiro hadn't stopped smiling. "So you said you had a boyfriend?"

Lance swallowed. "Y-yeah. His name is Keith,"

Shiro blinked.

"He's really sweet. We've been together for... id say 4 years? I can't exactly remember— there wasn't a time where we officially decided we were dating." Lance rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "He's so dumb sometimes! But I love him."

Shiro's mouth went dry. "Nice..." was all that he could manage to say. _Nice_. Finding out the man you were seeing has a boyfriend was nice.

"Could you excuse me a second?" Shiro tried to play it off.

"Uh... sure. Was it something I said?" Lance felt a familiar feeling tugging at his brain.

"N-no! No it wasn't anything I just need to get some cake pops. They're the best..." He pulled out his phone and began to walk away.

_Brrrung_

_Brrrung_

_Brr- "Hello?"_

"Keith." Shiro hissed moving towards the line.

" _Hey Shiro. I have to get to class but we can go somewhere later-_ "

"Keith." Shiro said more coldly this time. "Who is Lance?"

He could hear Keith swallow on the other line. Fucking hell! "Keith you're using me to cheat on him?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He kept his voice low as the line inched forward.

" _Shiro, hold on— does he know?!_ "

"No he doesn't! But i can't let you do this to him! It's me or him, do not keep lying to him."

" _I'm not... lying. What he doesn't know won't hurt him. He's happy! How could I end his happiness now...? Shiro, come on, you can't expect me to-_ "

"Keith. I know for a fact that if he finds out without you telling him he'll do something we will both regret. Tell him and make up your mind." Click. Shiro ended the phone call boiling with anger and feelings of betrayal.

To find out that he was essentially a home wrecker when he just became officially aquatinted with the boy who calls him daily. What else was life willing to hit him in the face with?! He sighed and ran his and through his hair when he was called up with that famous "Next!"

He blanked for a moment and walked up to the barista and asked for two chocolate cake pops. His stomach churched and flipped around inside of him. There's no way he'd be able to eat a cake pop now. Sick to his stomach he snatched the treats from the barista, slammed about $10 on the counter and race-walked back to Lance. "I-I'm sorry, Lance I have to go." He fumbled with getting a cake pop from out of the bag.

"What? Why? Is everything okay?" Lance stood up to meet Shiro.

"Not really-"

"When will I see you again?"

Shiro paused. 'Hopefully never' he thought to himself. "I don't know. I really have to go. Uh- uh bye." He shrugged the black backpack that was on the floor —Lance hadn't noticed because it was under the table— over his shoulder and ran out of the Starbucks.

"Aw man... guess I'll go back..." Lance frowned and picked up his iced coffee and walked out of the safe space towards his car in the parking lot. His phone buzzed in his pocket a couple times gaining his attention before he had the chance to put the key in the door. It was Keith. Lance smiled and answered, chirping into the phone. "Hey, Keith!"

" _Hey... Lance... can we talk?_ "


	3. 3

" _Can we talk?_ "  
Keith began to go on a mind whirl. What was Lance going to think? Would Lance go find someone else to room with or would he drop out? What would Shiro do?

"Sure what's up?" Lance talked into the phone getting into his car. He had no idea. An innocent little boy. Lance did have his suspicions though. Usually when someone say that it's never something good.

" _I uh..._ " Keith hesitated. He couldn't do it. Not now, he needed Lance. " _I'm going out of town for a week, my uncle is having a... baby shower...?_ "

"Your uncle is having a baby?" Lance asked.

" _No-! Well, yeah kinda he's set up some adoption thing and uh- yeah- so I'm going to that_." Keith's heart was racing.

"Oh, that must be nice. You should be happy."

" _I should?_ "

"Yeah. You were adopted weren't you? This should be a happy occasion."

" _O-oh! Yeah..._ " Keith was so deep into this lie he was almost tripping himself up. Here was mistake number one: " _I'm leaving tomorrow and won't be back until next Tuesday._ "

"Alright. I'm coming back now, want me to help you pack? We can go pick out a gift together too if you want."

Mistake number two: " _Yeah... thanks. See you in a few. I love you, Lance._ " He really believed that. He believed he could love Lance and still love Shiro and not be at fault.

Which was true in theory but Shiro is not one for sharing. He's been cheated on too many times to allow that to happen. So Keith was stuck in the lie to get out of explaining to Lance why he was gone most of the day. And Lance trusted him.

"I love you too." Lance smiled a little and hung up. He drove back to campus to hang out with his old roomie Hunk.

When he arrived, Hunk's hair was disheveled and he was without a shirt, his pants were on though. "Lance! What can I do for you my friend?" He opened up the door to let in his buddy.

"Just wanted to hang. Keith's in class and I didn't want to be alone today." He excused himself and walked into Hunk's dorm. The place was small and homie, decorated with pictures along the walls. "Hey, Shay!" Lance chuckled and bent down to kiss her cheek. He noticed she sported Hunk's missing shirt.

"Doin anything with Keith this weekend? Maybe we could go on a double date?" Shay nudged Lance with her elbow.

"Ah, sorry Shay. Keith's going on a trip for the week. His uncle's baby shower. He's adopting or something." Lance shrugged.

All three of them knew Keith wasn't close to his uncle whatsoever but Lance refused to see the gap. Shay and Hunk caught it immediately but said nothing. They could be wrong. They don't know everything about Keith.

Which could pose as a problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, I'm trying to write as well as I can. I'm not sure how long I want this to go on but I'm happy with the positive feedback I'm getting. Thanks!!


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith continues to weave his web of lies

"All set?" Lance stood in front of the dorm door with arms folded and a slight smile.

"Yep." Keith answered feeling the guilt fan out from the pit of his stomach. He swallowed dryly.

"Okay, I'll see you. I love you." Lance stepped forward to kiss his boyfriend passionately so he could remember it. A part of him didn't want Keith to go, maybe he could go with him. But Keith said he didn't want to spring a relationships on his uncle so suddenly so Lance let him go.

Keith forced himself to pull away from this kiss and look into Lance's deep blue eyes one last time, burning their excitement in the back of his mind. Lance stepped out of the way and opened the door for Keith. "Bye." Keith said and rolled his bag out the door and down the hall.

Lance locked the door and walked into the kitchen to make a sandwich before he walked down to Pidge's dorm to hang out and study. They had anatomy together and Lance just couldn't focus because he was always thinking about Keith's anatomy. Pidge just needed Lance's awesome flash cards. “Lance.” She snapped her fingers in his face.

“Huh? Oh sorry.” Lance blinked. “Sorry...” he coughed and got back to focusing on studying with Pidge.

Keith walked down the stairs and got into the car. “Moving out?” Shiro asked, his hands on the wheel.

“No... I told him I was going to see my uncle.” Keith said with little guilt sewn into his voice as he tossed his suitcase in the backseat.

“Keith! You can’t keep doing this! You know how I feel about cheating!” Shiro threw his hands up in exasperation. Keith, still calm, reached over and pulled Shiro into a kiss with his left hand, and his right hand fell into Shiro’s lap.

Shiro gasped and gripped the wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. All Keith did was laugh at him and pull away to put on his seatbelt. “Drive.” He chuckled.

Shiro growled playfully and pulled out of the curb and drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update! It’s been difficult figuring where the story goes


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance deals with Keith’s absence while Shiro and Keith have a seemingly good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience, I’m so sorry it took me this long to update, things have been so crazy with the end of the school year and stringing idea’s together— thanks again!

" _Having fun?_ " Lance texted Keith in the middle of the night. He figured the time zones would be different and he wanted to talk to him before he went to bed.

It wasn't until half an hour later that Keith responded. " _Yeah. My uncle's really excited. He doesn't know what the kid looks like yet though_."

Lance wanted to say something nice. Something that would make Keith laugh. But instead his fingers hovered over the keyboard.

" _Lance?_  
You okay?  
Want me to call you?" Keith texted. It made Lance feel just a bit better.

" _No, I don't want to bother you, goodnight._ "

Keith found it odd that Lance didn't send an 'I love You' text but maybe he was just tired. Keith let it go and set his phone down to go find Shiro.

"How is he?" Shiro said sitting in his office only illuminated by the light of his computer screen. He didn't even look up at Keith but he knew he was there.

"Fine." Keith sighed walking further into the office. "You met him once, why are you so worried about him?" He walked around the desk and put his hands on Shiro's broad shoulders.

Shiro didn't answer. He continued to do stuff for work on his computer, wishing he didn't wasnt in this situation. He would leave Keith, but it was almost impossible. The man was a siren and Shiro couldn't escape.

Lance was still a slave to his studies, few empty plates were stacked next to him with little evidence that food had been there. "Dude, you should probably go to class." Hunk came out of his room.

"Just this last page-" he replied, trying hard to focus. Hunk sighed and sat down to watch Lance type away. He could type fast on a computer but there were always errors in his spelling so he'd have to use spell check at the end of every page. "Almost..."

And finally he hit the period key, finishing the paper. "Okay." Heads a few final adjustments, saved it and closed his computer. "Bye Hunk." He stood up and left, leaving Hunk alone in his dorm.

On his way to class he checked his phone for about the 14th time this afternoon. No new messages. He opened the iMessage app and clicked on the contact that said  My Boo <3" and read over the last conversation they had.

He wanted to say something. He wanted to engage with Keith since he was so far away. He knew that the time zones were different and Keith was probably exhausted. His fingers hovered over the keyboard as he walked mindlessly.

It wasn't until he got outside the dorm building that he typed. " _I'll take good notes for you. I love you_."

The phone buzzed on the nightstand, as warm orange light poured into the room making it that much hotter. Keith lay asleep naked beside Shiro— who was wide awake. He knew he shouldn't snoop, but it was just _right there_...

Shiro rolled over and grabbed Keith's phone as the lock screen pulled up. A picture of him and Lance in some store changing room posing in the mirror. It was cute— they were cute. One message notification blocked Lance's face.  
" iMessage  
 **Lance**  
 _I'll take notes for you. I love you_."

Shiro's heart sank as he read the message. Who was he to wedge himself between Lance and Keith's relationship knowing what he knew about the both of them.

Keith shifted the sheets and swung an arm around Shiro's exposed torso.

The man quickly shut off the phone and set it back on the nightstand before pretending to sleep.

Pretending to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you got a notification of 2 (or more) updates I’m really sorry the chapter got posted before I was finished and then I went back and made sure the other chapters weren’t damaged either. Sorry again.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith understands what Shiro does and why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: use of language that may be offensive to some viewers (such as the f-word)  
> This is a romanticized interpretation of suicide hotlines, this is in no way an accurate depiction of how they operate, please do not take this to heart. If you need help, call or text any hotline in your area.

"I gotta go into work today." Shiro trying to decide if he should leave one button open or closed. 

"Can I come with? Like a.... bring your kid to work day?" Keith sat on the bed wearing a concert tee Shiro had bought him 3 months ago. 

"You're not a kid." Shiro looked at him through the mirror.

"I know. I'm your boyfriend." Keith stood up and wrapped his arms around Shiro's waist, but the taller man flinched away, drawing in a breath as he did.

"What? Something wrong?" Keith drew back concerned and forced Shiro to face him. "This can't be about Lance again." He sighed.

"It's not." Shiro said. He wasn't sure he believed it though.

Keith was silent for a moment. "Just pretend I'm there to talk to you or something." Keith shrugged before walking towards the door. "Leave it unbuttoned." He smiled over his shoulder before leaving the room.

Shiro sighed and stood there for another moment before turning back to himself in the mirror and gazing at the unbuttoned collar. He pursed his lips into a frown and buttoned it one last time, feeling satisfied and following Keith out of the room.

In the car, Shiro didn't turn on the radio. It was odd, something about Shiro was off today but Keith didn't say anything about it.

They rode in silence to the office building where Shiro worked. "So... you just sit at the desk and take calls from...?" Keith looked from the building to Shiro as they pulled into the parking lot.

"Depressed people. Suicidal people. People who need help. That's my job." Shiro sighed and started getting out of the car. He was feeling himself pull away from Keith, and maybe it was for the best— he wouldn't want to get caught up in another scandal.

Keith shut the door and Shiro locked the car and put the keys in his pocket. Keith walked in step with his lover and eased through the silence again.

When they entered the building, it was much nice than Keith expected. More high security too. There were two metal detectors, a keycard reader, and one armed guard stationed at the front desk. "Woah... you'd think this was a government facility or something." Keith whistled. 

"About a year and a half ago someone came in and took their life in the 3rd floor with a knife. We can't have that kind of thing happening when we're supposed to be helping." Shiro walked to the front desk and explained to the guard that Keith was a guest. They signed a few forms then moved through the other standardized security clean and weapon free. The two of them walked into the empty elevator and Shiro presser the second floor, the hotline and walk-in section.

"Wait! Hold the elevator!" A woman called. Keith speedily stuck his hand in between the closing doors and watched them open up for a shorter woman with long blond hair. "Thank you!" She gasped and pressed the button for the fourth floor— paperwork.

Before the doors had closed, Keith backed up into the back corner of the elevator with Shiro as the woman stood near the front. Keith sneakily moved his hand across Shiro's lower abdomen, slowly making his way down to the belt, then down further to-

 _Dong_. 

The elevator doors opened and Keith made the first step out of the elevator with confidence despite not knowing where he was going. Shiro cleared his throat and swallowed following him out and making sure the coast was clear before grabbing Keith's arm. "Do you really want to play with me right now?" He hissed.

"Yes I really do." Keith purred. 

Shiro grit his teeth but it turned into a grin. "Just remember this is a professional and serious establishment and I should really focus on my work." He stood at his full height and slapped Keith's ass before walking down the short hallway and making a left hand turn.

Keith made a mental note and followed Shiro. After that corner, there were rows and rows of cubicles, sounds of people talking, phones ringing, papers being flipped— it was like any other office except the mood here was urgent and damp. 

Shiro made his way to his cubicle, saying hello to a few co workers if they weren't busy with someone. In his small box of an office there were pictures of him and friends, his 3 brothers and a few small trinkets scattered along his desk. There were no pictures of him and Keith.

"You can sit right there." Shiro gestured to the chair that wasn't his own. The two of them sat down, then Shiro put on his headset and logged into his computer. "I don't usually get calls..." he mumbles and pulls up the Suicide Hotline chatroom and sits back in his chair. "Not at this time of day anyway."

The two of them sat silence and listened to the others talking softly. Then with a bing, a message from an anonymous user popped up on the screen. Shiro sat up and read it to himself then crafted a reply.

Anon: "How do I fix it?"

Opp: "Fix what?"

Anon: "How do I fix my life?"

Opp: "What happened? Why does it need to be fixed?"

Anon: "You don't understand."

Opp: "You are right. I do not understand. If you tell me what has happened, I will try to help you fix it."

Anon: "I've suddenly got the courage to tell all my friends and family I'm a lesbian. My parents are sending me to a gay camp and all of my friends are calling me a faggot. I just want it to stop.” 

Opp: "You cannot change how they see you. I am terribly sorry that this has happened to you. Do you have any other friends or family there you know you can trust and feel safe with?"

Anon: "I don't know. My cousins in Colorado maybe. But my parents would never let me go there. They want me gay-free or some shit like that."

This went on for about an hour. Keith was on his phone the entire time, knowing he should give them some privacy. When the chat ended, Shiro let out a sigh. "I hate this."

"I thought you loved your job?" Keith looked up.

"I do! I just hate seeing people in pain and broken."

Keith didn't have anything else to say so he just got out of the chair and kissed Shiro. "You're a good man." He smiles. Shiro can't help but smile and kiss him back his mood starting to change slowly.

"Thank you." Shiro said pulling away and sighing once again.

"Any time." Keith chuckled. "Hey where are the bathrooms? I gotta take a piss."

"Take a left all the way down to the desk at the end, take a right down a hallway and it's on the left near the water fountains." Shiro pointed as he gave the directions.

"Thanks." Keith said stepping out of the cubical and making his way down to the bathroom.

All day Lance had been pondering whether to go in or not. It wasn't like him to call in the middle of the day, and the first person he'd call would be Keith... but he's probably tired from the party so Lance won't call. 

So he thought about it from the moment he got out of class. Things were really bad now— knee deep in shit bad. And there was no way Lance could fix it.

His entire life was about to be pulled from him because he couldn't keep his shit together. It's all his fault, being in even more shit later is not an option— he dug himself in. He did this to himself- he-

Lance's breath became ragged and loud, his chest tightened, his vision tunneled, and he couldn't focus because there was water in his ears. He needed help. He needed safety. He needed air. He needed _Keith_ - 

"Hey Lance..." a soft voice came from beside him. Lance looked over and it was Matt, smiling. "Do you still have that godawful harmonica?"

Lance nodded, his symptoms still rattling his brain.

"You wanna play something for me? What about that old tune your dad taught you that you told me about?" It was obvious what he was doing. He knew Lance was having a panic attack and that distracting him would help a little. 

Only a little. 

Lance fumbled through his messenger bag and found his old grey harmonica and held it up to his lips. The first note out was weak and shakey but it made him want to keep going.

He played a tune and the longer it went on, the better it sounded. After about 5 minutes of playing, Lance was totally out of breath and couldn't play anymore.

"Feeling any better?" Matt stood closer to Lance with his arms outstretched in a hug sort of stance, but he was really just asking permission to touch Lance.

"Sort of. I have to go." Lance shoved the harmonica back into his bag. Matt dropped his hands and nodded. "Okay. As long as you're better than you were 1 minute ago you're getting there, that's what's important dude. I'll see you around."

Lance nodded and started walking in the direction of the parking lot. Matt was always there for Lance, since high school they were friends. Matt's had to be there for Lance lots of times but they stuck by each other.

Lance called and Uber to get him and drive him to an office building downtown. He decided to go. He needed the professional help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to start updating more frequently, the upcoming chapters have already been planned or or written I’m so sorry for the long wait. Please let me know if I need to add any trigger warnings to chapters, thank you. :)


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance finds out exactly where Keith has been... but why is Shiro there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you need me to add trigger warnings please let me know! Reminder that this is a romanticized interpretation and a fictional encounter, do not take this to heart.

Lance was walked to Shiro's little cubical by one of Shiro's co-workers. "Takashi, someone here to see you." She smiled and left the men alone.

Shiro's blood ran cold. Keith was in the bathroom. Lance was here in the office, looking wrecked. Keith would be back any second. "Lance!" Shiro feigned a smile and grabbed his phone and placed it in his pocket. He extended a hand out to Lance. Lance shook it weakly and sat down in the vacant chair. It was a little warm but it could just be the fabric.

"I'm not doing so great... I just got a letter from the school that I need to come up with money to pay for the next semester. But I don't have it. I've spent all of my saved money on Keith and I the last year so... and I can't ask my parents! I promised them I'd be responsible and I haven't been." Lance signed.

Shiro noticed the slump in his shoulders, the dark circles under his eyes, the way he closed himself off by wrapping his arms around himself. And Keith pretending to be away probably wasn't helping.

_Keith_.

Oh fuck, when would he be back? Shiro started to panic but his first priority was to help Lance not be this depressed. "Okay, do you have any friends or other family that would be able to help you? Maybe take out a loan from the school?"

"I can't ask my friends, they already have enough problems." He didn't answer the second part. Probably avoiding being in debt. 

"Shit that bathroom smells nice." Keith came smiling back into the cubical and was about to reach for Shiro when he noticed Lance.

Shiro watched the color drain from Keith's face. "Lance?" 

"Keith? What are you doing here?" Confused, Lance stood up. "You weren't supposed to get back until Tuesday."

Keith said the first thing that popped into his head to cover his ass. "I came home early, too many people. I just got in."

Shiro sat silently, praying to a higher being that this wouldn't end in disaster. It probably was going to, he just wanted to be wrong.

Lance looked him up and down. "Then you should've texted me... and we didn't pack that outfit. Keith... what's going on?" He looked from Keith's fearful eyes over to Shiro who looked away with a scowl. 

"Lance... I..." Keith began but he couldn't form the rest of the words.

Then Lance understood. The secrecy, the calls at the strangest times, disappearing after class. Lance finally understood.

After the initial shock, his face twisted into pain and a scowl. "How could you do this?" Lance looked at the floor. He couldn't stand seeing either of them. "You said you were happy. You've been _lying_ to me?!"

"Lance, wait a second—" Shiro stood up from his chair but that only made Lance more angry.

"And you! I trusted you! I told you everything! And you're screwing my boyfrined behind my back?! Did you even want to help me?!" In the fit of rage, his voice caught in his throat; and though it seemed like he wanted to say more he couldn't speak.

"Of course I do. Lance please just listen." Shiro stood up and made a move towards Lance, but the boy only took a step back and crashed in to the wall panel. He winced  in pain and instinctively reached for Keith, but when Keith's fingers brushed Lance's, a shock of electricity shot through them both and they pulled away.

Now the other people who worked close by were looking at them. Keith noticed almost immediately and tried to get through to Lance. "Lance, please can we talk about this somewhere else? Please?"

"Why? I don't- I don't want to hear it. Oh god, I've been so ignorant... I didn't want to believe something was wrong! I believed you loved me!" Tears, angry and hot tears formed in Lance's eyes. "Hunk said it was weird you were going to your uncle's but I had faith in you!" Now all eyes in the office were on the three men.

"Lance, please calm down. Keith's right we need to talk-" Shiro started, keeping his distance. 

"YOU SHUT UP! How long have you known? HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN? Or better yet how long have you been having this.... whatever this is?!" Lance's pain, both physical and mental was amplified when he thought about all the times Lance was oblivious to Keith's cheating.

"About six months- but Lance I swear I didn't know until I met you." Shiro explained but couldn't help but look at Keith.

Keith stepped towards Lance and touched his hand to Lance's cheek and it almost made Lance melt. "You're overreacting, it's not what you think, it was just sex I promise-"

Shiro, was hurt but what Keith said, realized the damage he just inflicted. "Keith shut up!"

Lance's eyes went wide. "I'm... I'm overreacting?" He paused in disbelief. He smacked Keith's hand away and ran out of the office without another word. He took the stairs and as the door slammed behind him, all eyes were on Keith and Shiro now.

"Fuck..." Keith sighed and did a few circles around the cubical, debating on whether to go after Lance or not. Shiro slammed his hand on his desk which made Keith and everyone else jump. "Shiro... I'm sorry I said what I said. That's not how I feel." Keith touched Shiro's shoulder.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID! Shiro spun around and shoved Keith. "You wrecked him! Keith- Keith, Lance is suicidal! He's depressed! And you cheating on him?! And me letting you...." he was seething, trying not to break something. "Get out. Get out, Keith. Before you make bigger fools of the both of us."

Keith was full of fear. His look was no different from Lance's a minute ago. He was crying now, but he grabbed his things and lingered for a moment before leaving for the stairs also.

Shiro was alone now, with all his coworkers silently judging him. He punched the wall and yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?" The people jumped again and scrambled to act as if they were minding their own business. "Fuck..." Shiro slumped into his chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, more frequent updates. The writing may be different because of chapters were written before others, sorry about that.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance have a heavy.... conversation as Lance tries to figure out just exactly how he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: suicide, blood, implied self harm, self harm (cutting), minor emotional abuse

Keith had to take the bus home since Shiro drove them to the office and Keith didn't have a car. By the time he got to the dorm, all of Lance's things were packed and he was finishing up on his clothes, crying. 

Keith bit his lip. "Lance... please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, I know what I did was wrong but I-"

"I don't care." Lance said in a low, emotionless voice. It was so robotic, Keith had to double check that was actually Lance. Lance picked up a red shirt with the words 'Bummer' in white on it. "Is this mine or yours?" He asked.

"Uhm... yours. I bought it for you last Easter." Keith murmured. Lance took the shirt and threw it back on the bed.

"It's yours now." He sniffed.

"Lance... what's going on? Why are you packing up your stuff? You can't! We... we still love each other right?" Keith walked over to Lance and reached for his hand.

Lance ripped his hand away from Keith's and refused to look at him. "I don't... I-" Lance choked. He had to breathe for a minute before he continued. "I'm leaving I can't stay here."

"Yes you can! We can work this out!" He grabbed Lance's shoulders and pulled him in to kiss him. He placed his hands on either side of Lance's face to keep him there, remind him of their love.

 But Lance stood there, motionless. 

Keith pulled away and searched Lance's face for some kind of life, a spark, _something_. But Lance blinked and took a step back and said. "No I can't. I _have_ to leave. I'm out of money. I'm going home." He zipped up the bag of clothes.

"Out of money...? What does that mean? Lance!" Keith was trying not to completely meltdown. 

But Lance didn't explain any further. He picked up the bag and started towards the door. "Lance! Where are you going to go?!" Keith stood in Lance's way. He felt that he needed to convince Lance to stay— since it was painfully clear that Shiro was upset with him.

 The question seemed to make Lance really think. He couldn't ask Hunk or Matt— they already had enough going on, they didn't need to deal with him until he could go home at the end of the semester. But he certainly couldn't stay here with Keith, but he actually had no where else to go. Lance grit his teeth and threw the bag to the far wall which made a thump before hitting the floor. "I don't know." He mumbled.

Keith found he'd tensed up when Lance threw the bag, so he relaxed a little. "Okay, then just stay here with me tonight. Please, Lance, I love you."

And suddenly Lance had melted back into Keith as if he'd never found out he'd cheated. It was unfair, the way he could make Lance forget everything by saying that. "Do you even mean it?"

"Of course." He said without missing a beat.

Lance sat on the bed and looked down at his feet with a sigh. Keith stood there, wondering what in the hell Lance would say next.

"I... I need to go-" Lance stood up again.

"Lance please just stop- where are you going now?" Keith grabbed at the fabric of Lance's shirt in an attempt to stop him.

"I gotta take a smoke."

"Lance you don't smoke." Keith scoffed. Lance one had an entire rant about how smoking not only fucks up your organs and your brain but your skin and hair too.

Lance said nothing in return, he simply went to his bag and grabbed a box of cigarettes. He dodged Keith one last time before storming out the door, tears still in his eyes.

Keith screamed. He screamed and kicked and punched the walls until his knuckles bled. Shiro was angry at him, Lance— was not only a nervous wreck but he was angry at him too. He fell on the bed and stared at the ceiling, blinking tears away.

Then came 5 knocks on the door.

Keith pulled himself off the bed and wandered to the door. He pulled it open, expecting it to be Lance. 

"Hey- oh! Hey Keith!" Matt smiled. "I thought you weren't getting back until Tuesday."

"Came home early." Keith sighed.

"Cool cool cool cool." Matt stood on his toes to try and look into the dorm room. "Is Lance around?"

Keith huffed in an attempt to cover up the moan in his throat and the tears in his eyes forming again. "He said... heh. He said he going out for a smoke. He doesn't even smoke." 

Matt's smile faded into a frown. "He what?"

"I know right? Who does he think he is? I know he's mad at me but why the hell-" Keith was stopped when Matt grabbed his arm.

"He took a box of blue cigs?" Matt's eyes were wild with fear.

"Wha- Yeah-"

"When did he leave?"

"Matt I-"

"WHEN DID HE LEAVE, KEITH?!"

"Like ten minutes ago!" Keith pulled himself away. The minute he did Matt sprinted down the hallway and took a left. "Matt!" Keith called after him. He bit his lip and closed the door before running after him.

 Matt was a fast runner, everyone knew that so it took all Keith had to be able to keep him in his sights.

"Matt! What's-" Keith breathlessly called after him, his heart racing. Matt ran into the dorm showers calling out Lance's name the minute he pushed open the door.

Keith slowed to a stop at the door and pushed it open. "Lance! Fuck- come on Lance-" Matt's voice could be heard from somewhere in the room. It was hot and steamy, exactly what you'd expect.

"Call an ambulance please!" Matt cried out and someone came running past Keith.

Keith followed the sound of Matt's voice pleading with Lance to stay with him. He found Matt on the floor, Lance's head in his lap.

There was blood. Everywhere.

Lance was covered in more of it than Matt but it was a lot. Two iconic white towels with the school logo on them were pressed to Lance's wrists stained red. The shower was still on. It was hot.

Keith fell to his knees when his brain registered what he was seeing. One long cry escaped his lips. He bent over himself and screamed, grabbing at his hair.

 The shower. Matt's cries. Keith's screams.

Nothing else could be heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> If there’s any trigger warnings I need to add or change please let me know!


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is in the hospital in recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I’m sorry for taking so long! All your lovely comments keep me going.

This is the 13th time Keith has called. In the past half hour. Shiro was so tired of all the secrets and the games.

It wasn't until the 17th call that Shiro picked up. "Keith-"

" _Takashi_ , _Lance_ _tried_ _to_ _kill_ _himself_!" Keith moaned a cry, obviously not sounding remotely okay.

"What?" Shiro sat up.

" _He_ \- _he_ \- _oh_ _god_ _what_ _am_ _I_ _going_ _to_ _do_? _This_ _is_ _all_ _my_ _fault_..." Keith sobbed. Shiro didn't know what to say. Yes The was absolutely Keith's fault but he wasn't going to say that.

Shiro thought of saying everything that was on his mind— even if most of it was not something you should say to a person in crisis. So instead he said, "Please don't call me again."

Lance was sitting unconscious in a hospital bed, Matt by his side, holding Lance's hand up to his cheek. Keith re-entered the room still distraught.

"How did this happen?" Matt asked with poison in his voice. "He's gotten better since he started dating you. How the fuck did he relapse like this, Keith?"

Keith's voice got caught in his throat. It was really none of Matt's business but it really was all his fault and... he should confess. He hesitated before speaking. "He found out about... I um... I was seeing someone else and he saw..."

Matt was quiet for a long time. So much so that Keith wasn't sure if Matt even heard him.

"Was it worth it?" Matt finally asked.

"What?"

"Was it worth it? Did you have fun? Did you get all you needed from that other person? Are you happy?"

"I- I..." Keith was taken aback. How was he supposed to answer that? He was happy then but he's not now. "N-no! I-"

"Get out. You've hurt him enough. He doesn't need you to be here when he wakes up."

Keith was fed up with Matt attacking him like this. "I'm his boyfriend. I need to stay here with him to see him through! You're just-"

"I was his boyfriend too!" Matt interrupted. This stunned Keith into silence again. "

"I was his boyfriend too. In high school, freshman through junior year. I knew us being together wasn't going to stop his depression but at least I didn't make it worse."

"..." Keith wanted to say something else— something to shut Matt up, but he couldn't.

"Now get out. You're not welcome here. I called his sisters, they should be here soon."

Keith's emotions were already dialed up to 11 so he snatched his jacket from a chair in the corner of the room and stormed out passed the nurse's station and headed for the elevators He made it a point to himself not to cry— crying meant guilt and he shouldn't feel guilty. He wasn't _trying_ to hurt Lance or Shiro. It wasn't his fault that it ended the way it did. It was his fault that he let Lance leave and hurt himself— that he knew.

The elevator doors chimed and he stepped through with a few other people. The ground floor button was already lit so he stared at the numbers decreasing as the elevator descended.

Once again the chime sounded and everyone stepped off the elevator and went about their business. Keith barely made it two steps before coming face to face with Shiro.

They stared at each other for what seemed like eternity. Keith wanted to say something— anything to appeal to Shiro's sense of self but the taller man simply blinked and side stepped Keith. Shiro entered the elevators and pressed the floor button and looked up and the number display.

Keith turned around for one last look before the doors closed, on his life and his lover.

Shiro walked into Lance's room and knocked on the door. Matt was there. "Matt?"

Matt's amber eyes met Shiro's own with shock and confusion. "Shiro? What are doing here?" He didn't let go of Lance's hand as he stood up.

"I- he calls me sometimes. To just talk. I heard about what happened and I wanted to make sure he was okay..." he wanted to move closer but his feet were rooted to the floor.

Matt and Shiro has been friends for years. They even tried dating once but that didn't go farther than a few hook ups on occasion. However, Shiro didn't know Matt knew Lance.

Matt's eyes became somber again as he lowered his gaze back to Lance and placed a kiss on Lance's knuckles. "I had hoped... i thought he was passed this. That he had gotten better."

Shiro couldn't do anything but stare back at them. It was obvious that Lance meant a lot to Matt. "He... he mostly calls to get talked down from suicide. A lot of it stems from his relationship with his boyfriend...?"

"Keith." Matt snarled. "That bastard cheated on Lance. It was so bad that..." he couldn't finish the sentence.

"Kei... th...?" Lance mumbled. Matt and Shiro's attention snapped to him.

Shiro crosses the room towards Lance finally as Matt squeezes his hand tighter. "Lance? It's Matt. Keith is gone, he left. It's just me and Shiro here."

Lance's eyes fluttered open and he looked at Matt first. "Hey..." he sighed and smiled. "You're here..."

"I wouldn't let you die. I'd never let you die. I love you too much. A-and Shiro's here too!" Matt looked over to Shiro who could only manage a small smile and a quiet:

"Hey."

"What are you doing here? Get out." Lance tried to shift himself to a seated position.

"Lance-" Matt tried to keep him down.

"No! Get him out of here! I don't want him here!" Lance began to frantically move.

"Lance stop! Stop moving! He's leaving." Matt tried to settle the boy in the bed and when he accomplished it, he grabbed Shiro and led him out of the room.

"What is going on. You said you were his therapist." Matt's eyes conveyed a thousand emotions. Most evident confusion and suspicion.

"I- I am. I was... Keith... Uhm." Shiro found it hard to disclose this. "Keith was cheating on Lance with me." Shiro swallowed.

Matt's face grew dark. It was barely a beat before— in a low and cold voice he spoke. "You should leave. Lance wants you gone and so do I."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any trigger warnings I should add to this chapter or any previous chapters, please let me know!


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